Do you find yourself telling yourself that it’s normal to go without sex for several months . . . when you are in a long term relationship, or even living with your partner? Are you reminding myself that you and your partner are still intimate and affectionate, that you keep saying ‘I love you?’ Do you feel like you and your partner are just best friends who sleep in the same bed? This isn’t uncommon, but it can be hard to believe that the lack of sex isn’t a sign of a larger problem.
Too much of a good thing isn’t always good. Couples that spend all their time together sometimes don’t leave space for mystery. It’s important to stay true to your own identity, and explore your own interests.
All too often in relationships, there comes a point where the sex seems to be lost and gone with the past. Many couples start out non-monogamous, exploring their sexual appetites, and discovering ways to connect with each other. Relationships don’t always start with a goal, or the ambition to become long-term lovers. Sometimes friends can fall into love without any planning or premeditation. Unfortunately, many people find it very difficult to remain faithful, especially in the face of temptation. It can be hard to resist the urge to take new lovers. For homosexual couples, this is particularly difficult, as the initial inspiration for any connection is generally sexual. Intimacy, honesty, and friendship, however, are the foundation for solid, long-lasting friendships.
How do you keep that connection alive? Many people consider their partners to be their best friends. But how do you keep that romantic spark going? How do you keep from losing the desire to want to tear each other’s clothes off? How do you recover that feeling, and find your way back to sexual exclusivity? Do you separate and formally end the relationship? Or do you try an open relationship? Do you open the relationship up? Do you have truly non-monogamous relationship, exploring on your own? These are questions many people face. So many couples are struggling with their sexual lifestyle, struggling to find an identity that works for both partners.
Exclusivity is a question that all couples must face, if they want to move forward and discover what truly provides the most happiness. No matter what happens, questions will arise about boundaries and limits. The topic of jealousy must be addressed: this is not arbitrary, but instead is absolutely necessary for a free exchange of ideas and dialogue, and a healthy relationship.
Sexual style can also be a problem. What if your sexual style changes? What if the dominant partner suddenly becomes submissive, or vice versa? This can negatively impact a sexual partnership.
A Guiding Light
Unfortunately, there are few clear paths to solving our sexual abandonment. But there are ways to learn from others. This is the type of struggle a life coach can help you with. The way I coach is by guide people through a self-exploration process. This will encourage and allow you to discover and explore what stimulates and motivates your sexual impulses. In order for you to understand yourself, you have to understand your desires, and the role they will play in your relationship. This can truly help lead the way to fulfilling and rekindling love with a partner you have lost touch with.
How do you answer all these questions? You begin by re-introducing yourself to your partner. Talk about where you come from, what makes you smile, what makes you squirm, and what truly gets you off. This conversation should lead to deeper understanding of what is missing in the relationship.
Ultimately, there has to be someone taking the lead, and the question is, do you love your partner enough to take charge of your happiness, with the hope your partner will respond in kind.